We all wanted to be valued. To be appreciated. To be told so. And to be shown so. We yearn for it. It’s human nature.
And yet we let people treat us otherwise. And yet we treat people otherwise.
Whether it’s that project you completed. Or the meal you cooked. The promotion or raise you didnt get. Or the hours of cleaning and putting away the laundry. Big tasks. Small tasks.
For all my feminist attitude, I find I’m guilty of this now more than ever. Of not demanding my fair share of the attention, the appreciation, rewards. Of not demanding that my work, my efforts be valued. Of not asking for more. Of under valuing myself. Of stepping back so that I’m not called demanding, self centred.
I still hold on to the belief that my work, my effort, my love, should speak for itself. I should not have to ‘make’ others see it. It’s stupid in this time and age. Where attention spans have shrunk to 1 sec or less. Where there are ten thousand things jostling for everyone’s attention. Hoping, expecting that I, my contributions, my efforts, my labour of love will be noticed, and appreciated, is stupid. Especially coupled with my tendency to labour silently behind the scenes. To put forth just the end result, and hide the million things that had to be taken care of to get there.
It’s foolish. But it’s my DNA. How do I change it? How do I ensure, I’m valued? Most of all, I’m angry at myself, for under valuing my self.