.. and gag.
Unlearning, Letting go, has been a recurring theme for me the past year. Coming to terms with some relationships that have been quite draining; and a raw nerve over the years. And I’m learning to let go.
I tell myself, it takes all kinds. All kinds of people, all kinds of relationships, to make the world go round. There are some folks that just light up your day. Bring a smile to your face. And those, whose mere mention, or a moment’s contact leaves you drained, depleted, for the rest of the day. Radiators and Drains.
Relationships by definition, are give and take. You give some and you take some. When they become one way – just give and give and give – like it or not, its time to move on.
We each have some of those. Toxic, parasitic, relationships.
I just had a close encounter. This time around, rather than giving in, feeling responsible and jumping in to fix things, I stood by the sidelines. I watched. And I let them label me uncaring, unloving, blunt and even hateful.
I didnt let the labels stick. Because they dont matter. Anymore. I didn’t succumb to the pressure, to the guilt, to the expectations they had of me. A relationship is a 2 way street. If they dont care about me – if their actions dont show it – why should I turn my life upside down to cater to their whims.
It’s strangely liberating. Though still an uneasy truce within me. It’s not that I’ve totally cut off from them. They are still a part of my life. Somethings you cant change. But somethings you can. I can choose how much of my life I let them impact. I can choose, consciously, how much I’m willing to give in. I can choose to let go and not have any expectations. I do my bit, as much as I can, as much as I’m comfortably willing to.
I look back and see how far I’ve come. Inspite of the odds. I like the world I’ve created for myself.