Exhaustion

Bone tired. That’s what I feel right now. The arches of my feet pain. The lower back. Hurts. My eyes just want to close. I rub some oil on my fingers. They heave a sigh of relief. Even they ache. My knees. The calf muscles. You’d think I’d been trekking this weekend. But it was just your average weekend. Dance class. Shopping  – winter wear for kid. House keeping – a bit. 5 days of sitting 10 hrs a day, followed by 2 days constantly on my feet.

The heart is tired. The mind is tired. The soul is tired.

5 years of sleep deprivation. It’s now programmed into me. I cant sleep through a night even if the kid is in another room. I wake up atleast 5 times to check.

5 yrs of sleep deprivation… I wonder what studies they have on it… what are the effects.

An hour’s nap on a Sunday afternoon, just isnt enough. My recurring fantasy is to hibernate. In Sibera perhaps. For 6 months. To just sleep. Let them feed me through an IV…

As much as I love life.. I find myself heaving so often.. The body doesnt keep up. Maybe I’ve abused it too much. Not taken care of it. Not given it rest. Pushed it. Each day. Every day. To do more than it was meant to.

And like any other machine, the wear and tear shows.

But like a bad master, I still keep pushing it.

There’s still so much more I want to do…

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