Giddy

Giddy. Like a thrilled little girl.  It’s been a giddy, fun, exhausting few months. I’m oscillating to the extremes, I know it, and I’m enjoying the ride before I stabilise. It’s a heady feeling. And I’m loving it.

I didnt like the person I’d become in the last few years. Bitter. Frustrated. Crumpled. And I decided to change.

I reached out to the girl I used to be, I became her, for a while.

I went back to dancing. I like dancing. I kinda remembered that I used to be ‘good’ at it in the days of yore. 4 levels of Shiamak and 2 Latin. So I got a bit adventurous this time around and took up Belly Dancing. Currently winding up level 2   and gloating at the return of the waist line. Yes, I have one again. After 5 yrs. It’s amazing what a few dance lessons can do.  Ok, make that excruciating hours of making a fool of myself with my 2 left feet and lack of grace and rhythm; painfully highlighted on a wall to wall mirror infront of a class of 20 women; who are on an average 20 kgs and 10 yrs lesser than me. I’m still nursing the aching arms, feet and ego.  But it got back my waistline, my sense of adventure, and the ability to laugh at myself, and life.

I relived all my travels. And  planned a few more. With a vengeance. Trying to ignore the dwindling bank account.  I loved to travel. And I still do. But at 4 – my son hasnt travelled. At all. I cant believe it. To the grandparent’s doesnt count. He’s old enough now. Even if its just me and him. Goa – done. Singapore planned. On the list for next year i) Turkey – just me. I dont know how I’ll make it happen yet, but I will. ii) Roadtrip / camping / trekking – with son.

I’m writing. A bit. Not well thought out logical posts. More emotional outbursts. When I just cant keep it in any longer. When I want to stand on a rooftop and scream; but have to keep up that propah image;  when there’s no one to reach out to share with; I write. For me.

I’m taking the time out, for me. I’m giving myself permission, to be. To feel. I’ve done the time. I’ve carried the baton. I’ve done my job. I’ve fulfilled other’s expectations of me. As much as I could. Now it’s my turn. To be who, and how I want to be.

I’m pushing my boundaries. I’m challenging my comfort zones. I’m changing who I am. And I’m loving it.

I like myself better. I like life better.

2 more months to go for 2012 – but am damn pleased on how well I did on my plan for 2012!

Inspired by – the satisfaction of throwing an awesome Angry Bird b’day part for the Brat that he thoroughly enjoyed (more on that later) and the FIRST ever movie in theater – just hubby and me. Yes, after a 1 yr courtship and 5 yrs of marriage. Oh we’ve been to movies before. With friends, family, and kid. But just the 2 of us.. na. Completely scandalous I tell ya – to have ventured out thus on our own, un-escorted! OMG. What’s the world coming to!

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