Ink’d.

INKED! Finally! Been wanting to do it for such a long time. Just been scared.. of the permanence.. and finding the right place to do it.. But I finally took the plunge!!! Yippieeeeeeee!! <and she does a wiggly dance like a thrilled lil girl >

I love it. It’s so unlike me. And yet so me.

By nature, I try to avoid standing out. At college. At the work place. But usually end up doing so anyway. Always being the new girl, the odd one out, the one who thinks different. I crave acceptance. That doesnt come easy. I avoid confrontation. Even when I disagree. I rebel silently, quietly. I worry abt what people think about me. How they’d judge me. By the way I dress, by the way I talk, by the things I say and do. But its really unavoidable. That’s how we function as a race. We judge a person within the first 2 seconds of meeting them. And I’m trying to get over that fear. The need – to have everyone like me. I strive hard, to be ‘prim and proper’. Like my mom wanted me to be. But I’m still the pretty tom boy, the odd one out. There’s been little permanence in my life. People, places, schools, work place,  houses. Major life changes. Each year. Every year. And I’ve adapted to it. I’ve learnt to make all decisions based on that – ie considering all the what-ifs; and being ready to let it go, or let it change, at the drop of a hat. I’ve grown comfortable with handling change. As much as I crave constancy. I keep things around me changeable. All the furniture in my house is moveable. Every nail and photo in the house can easily be removed or shifted. Eg: We swapped the kids room and the TV room on a whim one fine Sunday morning.

I was afraid. Of the permanence. Of standing out. Of what ppl would say. And yet itching to do my own thing. To say – I dont care any more. I’ll do what I want. For me.

So I went ahead. For me. A tribal phoenix. On my forearm. Positioned just so I can see it. Always. A design I like. That resonates with me. Even though the guy warned me several times that I’d have a tough time explaining what it’s about.

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