Choked

Image from "Listenforjoy"

Choked. Forgotten how to write  express. A million thoughts, a whirlwind. Thoughts expressed only to the audience in my head.

No real reason. Just things that add up.

There’s no audience. No occasion. In everyday life.

At work, talk of work only. At home its kid talk, maid talk, chore talk.

No expression.

Where’s my voice. MY voice. ME.

Gotten to the extent, that I cant talk, express; even if I wanted to. The words just dont come out. Rather – the sound wont come out. The words just stay in my head. Gotten comfortable with the audience in there. It’s less taxing. There’s no need to explain. Every thought, every emotion. Can just be. Can express. Without the fear of being judged. Or mis-judged.

Life’s become so isolated. Feel like the rat on the wheel. Wanting to stop. Wanting to live. ‘Smell the roses’. Enjoy the small moments. But its difficult to ignore all around and do that.

It comes through in small measures. Living. Expressing. Being.

Shutting out the noises – cable TV, papers, facebook, the horde of sites I used to browse.

The only outlet for expression still open – is creating. I do that with a vengeance. Make stuff for my son’s room, for the house, my plants. Little bits and pieces. That keep me connected to the person I am.

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